The best portion of a good man's life - his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. - William Wordsworth

Have you ever seen a book falling off on the floor and pretend that you didn’t see and didn’t pick it up? I wonder if it was because no one was watching you or because you thought you don’t get anything out of it by doing so. I like Daru in the story The Guest by Albert Camus because of the way he treated the Arab prisoner in a fair and equal manner. Even knowing what the authority wanted him to do and the fact that he was not going to get recognition, Daru chose to take care of the prisoner as one human being by giving the same food he eats and sleeping in the same room.  Anyone can be or at least pretend to be nice to someone while others in presence because we all want to be seen as a good person. However, I believe true genuineness comes when one wants to help or be nice to people from his heart as human nature even knowing that he would not get any return. Getting recognition is not the point but doing good for others is also for one’s self as well. Even though no one recognizes his behavior, at least he himself knows it.

Don't expect love in return.

Before I moved up to San Francisco about a year and half ago, I used to work at a hair salon back home in Orange County. It was right in front of the beach, Newport Beach. If you have seen the MTV reality show, you get the idea how it is like there; the people with flip-flops all year around, the sun and the palm tree all over the place. 

Not only I was a receptionist who had to take care of almost everything from answering the phone for booking appointments to cleaning up the mess, it was such a busy and trendy hair salon where one has to wait for two months just to get a haircut. Those people who come there do not care about the cost but have very high expectation of beauty. It is not the service they are getting makes them happy but the fact that they can come to the salon where everyone desperately wants to go.  So the question is what if they cannot do what they used to anymore?

It happened when one woman called in for an appointment around 5pm when I was already worn out from the work. She asked for a haircut in three weeks from that day.  There was no way. We already had full appointments booked till a month and half away.  So I had to inform her politely that there is not enough space for her at this moment. Then I heard her heavy breathe and deep sigh. I knew she did it on purpose so that I feel bad for her. So I apologized for the inconvenience. My apology did not satisfy her. Even over the phone, I could feel that she was still mad and disappointed.

We were in silence for some time. I was so tired and just wanted to hang up on her. But then I thought what if I were her, how do I feel? I had to let my mind open and think about how she was feeling at that moment even though she was not being nice to me. So I decided to be nice and told her that I can call her back if there are any cancellations. There was no need for me to do that. I could just tell her to wait for a month and end the call. But I didn’t because I just did not see the point of doing so. Moreover, it was my responsibility to take care of the customer. However, it did not satisfy her either. She went on and on saying that I should find a way to squeeze her in and even ended up saying what kind of training I am getting from my boss. Eventually she had to talk to my boss, hairstylist, directly and made a deal coming in at 6am in the morning a week from that day.

What I learned from this experience is that how important it is to take a step back and see things as what it is. When I am in the moment, I am so caught up and seeing only the part of it. I could see the woman just as a rude customer but also I could also think that she might have had some reasons to be that way. She might have had really a bad day or so tired like I was. By putting myself in someone’s situation, it lets myself be more objective and have empathy toward other people.  I tend to forget those things especially when I am with my family or close friends. I feel like I know what they are thinking and how they feel about things. In fact, I need to pay more attention because they are the ones I care the most.

I also learned that there is no need to be nice to someone who is not nice to me but also there is no need to be rude to him/her either. Especially if the person is a stranger, I am more willing to be nice.  Even though I will not see him/her ever again, if my act of being nice could make his day, I choose to do so because for me, the only way to be happy is by making someone else happy. It goes the same for love. I want to make someone feel loved so that I can feel love from them. I am not looking for any return. That is not the point. Though I believe it just happens naturally when I give something to someone even not all the time.

Life flows within you and without you

I still remember the very first time I listened to this song, within you without you. It was a late Friday night when my friends and I were in the car on our way to dell taco to satisfy our midnight munchies after having a crazy time at a house party.  I had listened to many Beatle’s songs before but this one was just not nearly the same as the other ones.  As soon as the song started, my mind was blown away. The sound which is a combination of beautiful Indian music and the Beatle’s was so shocking and outrageous that I could not explain it in words. There I was, sitting in the backseat of the car, in a trance that felt so unreal, as if I was disconnected from my physical surroundings.  The sound had absolutely stunned me the first time that I barely heard the lyrics which later became my motto of my life.

After that extreme experience, I became addicted to this song and listened to it almost every day, twenty four seven. It still amazes me every time, the same as it did four years ago.  Music is always in my life whether I am having a bad day or at my most happiest. However, this particular song provides a solution to any problems I have encountered and has an answer to almost every question I could not answer for myself.

The lyrics are simple and very straight forward. However, its deep meaning is so profound that it can be taken in various ways by depending on the listener. In my opinion, the main statement George Harrison tried to explain in the song is that everything in our lives is happening to us and we are the ones who control it. Realizing the fact that things are all within us or not is up to individuals themselves.  Life will go on without one realizing it. I tend to listen to this song when I am stressed out about something. It loosens my tension very nicely and put me in a different world where I do not care in the world. Sometimes I ask myself “why I am stressing out?” Most of the time, the answer is because things are not going as the way I want them to. For instances, school and relationship are the most common stress factors in my life right now. I did not do well on the exam than I expected or my boyfriend whom I want the most is so far away in New York.  If I start listing, there will be no end.  Sometimes, there are factors involved which I cannot control.

We can do almost anything in our lives. At the same time there is nothing we HAVE to do.  If I don’t want to go to school, I don’t have to. If I want to move to New York to live with my boyfriend, I can move. Then why don’t I do so? It is because there is something holds me back from doing what I really want to do. As Alan Watt said in a video Music and Life, I am always forced to focus on the next stop towards the end which was thought to be the success and not this particular moment in my life. It is almost like I am not in my present life but only in the future or the past. Being so busy working towards getting to the next step such as working toward graduation, I sometime forget the reason why I am doing what I am doing right now.  George Harrison writes, “We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people, Who gain the world and lose their soul-They don't know-they can't see-are you one of them?”  This illustrates exactly what I just explained. The time we live right now at this moment is so precious. It is good to ask ourselves sometimes, what if there was no tomorrow, what would you do?  What within you without you taught me is that I should do all that I can do with whatever I have in the time that I have in the place where I am right now. There is no end in our life.  Life flows on within you without you.




Within You Without You by the Beatles

We were talking-about the space between us all
And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth-then it's far too late-when they pass away.
We were talking-about the love we all could share-when we find it
To try our best to hold it there-with our love
With our love-we could save the world-if they only knew.
Try to realize it's all within yourself
No-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small,
And life flows on within you and without you.
We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people,
Who gain the world and lose their soul-
They don't know-they can't see-are you one of them?
When you've seen beyond yourself-then you may find, peace of mind,
Is waiting there-
And the time will come when you see
we're all one, and life flows on within you and without you